Over It

Well.. I didn't get that damn gold star like I was hoping. Very close...maybe Thursday. I swear that I always have a headache. It blows. What else. WW going good this week...well today at least. There was no cheating.. I worked today. I have like this love hate relationship with my job. I love it cause its fun to get out of the house, I love to work with my bestie...and etc. I hate it cause workplaces tend to have a "political agenda" if you know what I mean. I'm not talking about presidential elections and junk like that. I'm talking about crappy side work all the time pretty much...and arguments over soup cups and stupid stuff like that. I hate crappy tips. People you tip at least 15%. That is the minimum. Tonight I had some old man leave 10 bucks on 119 buck ticket. If your to cheap or old to leave a decent tip...then stay home...really do me a favor.
I left with 35.00 in my pocket. Over it, but is it really worth the hassle? I went to see "bride wars" with my bff after work. It was really cute and the perfect movie to go to with my best friend. I didn't see my husband today. sad. Sometimes you have to sacrifice the goose for the gander..whatever the hell that means. Then I drove home and cried a little...sometimes life just sucks. These are the times I suppose. I would love to say that I am over my current situation..I try and pretend I am, but truth is I'm not. How do you just get over financial ruin? and most of all....everything that comes with that. You don't right away...its a lame process that goes on for months and months and will take till the end of the year to figure out I'm sure.. Its a process that leaves me feeling void of hope or faith. It makes me want to crawl in a hole and not socialize or go to church cause usually those things just bring a little more heartache in some way or another. I know the church is true, and I have a testimony...I think sometimes people fall away a little simply cause life is just a little to much. I don't expect that Heavenly Father will show up in a white chariot and rescue me from my misery and sadness, I know thats not really the way it works.. I know I have to choose to exercise faith and what not.. But right now I just need a little break from all that... all that trying to have hope and bs. I wanna just wallow for a bit. I want to stay away....cause I'm tired of putting on a show.

How it is

Do you know what its like to be the fat one? I do..cause thats the way I am.It really sucks.. I am happy to say that I stayed perfectly on the wagon today. I didn't go to ww this morning cause I have had a migraine all day. I will go in the morning.. I doubt I will get my 3rd gold star..But I will be dang close. I am so tired of be the fat sister, daughter, wife, mom, friend, co-worker. ETC!! it really does suck, I think people's perception of a fat person is always..I lack the word I am looking for. Even being a fat girl... when I look at someone who is overweight I somehow just think they aren't as cool as someone who is skinny..that is so sad. SO true this day in age though..like people don't take fat people quite as serious. Well I really tire of being that person. I don't take myself serious cause my self respect is like super damaged. I am working on this!. I took my children outside to play again today...we soaked up some vitamin d into our cheeks and it felt so good. I am thinking I would like to get rid of the tvs.. That would be awesome. We could toil out in the yard all day and dig for worms.

Working

Wow..another blog is born. Miss "anonymous" here. The whole world knows who this really is I'm sure.. I'm gonna pretend you don't. It makes it more interesting for all of us don't you think?Not much happening on the home front. I am lazy. I should really make more happen on the home front. That is one of the many goals for 2009. I anticipate the great things this new year will bring. I dare not live another year of my life wallowing in a pathetic state that is still my own reality. This year is the year to change all that. I am learning to embrace the discomfort that change often brings. I think if I recognize it, it actually makes it all the easier. Like the discomfort of losing a bajillion pounds this year. That is the goal. I refuse to join ww one more time damn-it. For real this is the last time. I think its my 7th time. I always make it to about 14 lbs before I fall off the wagon and gain the 14 lbs + 9 more on top of it. This week come hell or high water I will get that 3rd gold star that has always elluded me. Then I will go on to earn the rest of the 16 I need to finally not be a fat cow. Halledamluyah. Hmmm. What else. I might actually decide to abide by my 11pm curfew to be in bed. I really did try tonight. But I could hear ds in there talking and I worried he is to hot and la de da so here we both are..breaking the rules. Oh well. Ya can't keep em all. Sometimes you have to set them just so you can break them. Thats what I always say. I know this is a heap a words that don't make any sense. I don't care about that either.